Tell Me Your Story

A few weekends ago, as I scrolled through Netflix looking for a new show to watch, I stumbled across Michelle Obama’s documentary called ‘Becoming’. I was looking for something a little more inspirational and a little less Hollywood so I thought this would be a better choice than ‘Too Hot To Handle’. I don’t know that much about Mrs Obama except that she was the first African American First Lady, is very well educated, always well dressed, does a lot of important work for youth and education, and recently came out with a book called ‘Becoming’. 

As I watched the documentary about Michelle, I learned a great deal about her time in the White House, growing up in south side of Chicago, her relationship with Barack Obama, her roles as wife, mother, advocate and got a glimpse of many other poignant moments of her book tour. At one point in the show I was deeply touched by something she said. Throughout her tour, Michelle would host round table discussions with women from different backgrounds, professions and stages of life. These women were given the opportunity to ask Michelle questions and naturally, thoughtful discussion evolved. At one of these discussions a young woman asks Michelle how she can become more than just a ‘stat’? Michelle replied, (and I’m paraphrasing here) “We are too focused on ‘stats’. What is your GPA? What is your degree in? What is your income bracket? But what I really want to know is, what is your story?”

This immediately resonated with me . In my profession as a Registered Nurse, Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), stats or numbers are a very important part of my job. They help to tell a mother's story and give me a good sense of how a breastfeeding relationship is progressing. Without knowing some very vital numbers, it can be challenging to do my job well. The ‘numbers’ that I need to know are the following: mother’s age, baby’s gestational age at birth, length of labour, baby’s birth weight, baby’s current weight, how often baby breastfeeds, how many wet and dirty diapers baby is having, and how many other children are in the family? This data gives me a baseline idea if breastfeeding is on the right track. If there is poor weight gain or too few wet and dirty diapers, this may mean her baby is not breastfeeding effectively or perhaps there is a milk supply issue. Finding out how many other children she has leads me to ask if she has breastfed before? Even if she has, I know that every baby is different and every breastfeeding journey is unique.

Yes the numbers are important, but they are not everything. In fact, they are a snapshot of the big picture. What I really want to know is the mother’s story. In order to do that, I need to establish an immediate trust and rapport that will set the tone for our working relationship.

With every birth and breastfeeding experience there is a story that tells more than the numbers. On my client intake form, the first part is for recording data. Once I’ve collected all the pertinent numbers, I have a section called ‘Mother’s birth and breastfeeding story. This is when the conversation gets real because every mother has a story to tell. Sometimes it’s the labour and birth story that comes pouring out. Other times, she dives right into the trials and tribulations of her breastfeeding journey thus far. I actively listen, ask questions when needed but most of all I provide an empathetic ear.  At times tears flow because this kind of storytelling is raw, and real and comes straight from her heart. Listening to a mother tell her story helps me better understand what her challenges and goals are. Sometimes after a good cry, it helps a mother ‘reset and refocus’ because she feels heard and can begin to move forward feeling supported.

Storytelling doesn’t always happen in person these days. COVID-19 has forced many mothers to virtually tell me their breastfeeding stories. I spoke with a mother the other day on Zoom who was dealing with plugged milk ducts. Her baby was 14 months old and only breastfeeding a few times at night. We had never met in person but she reached out for support because she was afraid of getting mastitis. After we did our introductions and I had noted all the important ‘data’ I just listened to her tell me how special her breastfeeding relationship is with her daughter and how she wasn’t ready for it to be over. I gave her some suggestions and recommendations for resolving her blockages and when she should seek medical attention if her symptoms worsen. She expressed her relief and gratitude for my support and was further reassured when I told her she could call or text me anytime if she had  other questions.

I receive text messages and e-mails from my clients on a daily basis with a combo of numbers and stories. Most breastfeeding concerns involve some kind of number along with an emotional piece. I offer complimentary phone/text/-e-mail support to all my clients for an unlimited amount of time. I know that ongoing professional can make or break breastfeeding for a mother that is already going through a challenging time.

Then there are some numbers that aren’t as important. Most new mothers want to know how long her baby should breastfeed for? She equates a long feed with a good feed which isn’t always the case. It’s more important for her to watch her baby rather than the clock. Babies don’t always feed for the same amount of time when they are hungry. Sometimes they want a snack and will have a shorter feed. Sometimes they get thirsty and will have a quick sip from the breast as the thirst quenching milk flows at the beginning of the feed. At other feeds, they are really hungry and will happily drink for a longer time off both breasts. Their appetites can change on a daily basis. It’s important to be receptive to your baby’s hunger cues and feed on demand. As long your baby appears satiated and you feel confident that your baby is latching and drinking well, the length of the feed isn’t as important.

So as Michelle Obama so eloquently put in ‘Becoming’, it’s your story that matters more than the numbers. At Nourish Lactation Consulting, you are guaranteed to be heard, to be listened to and to be supported in the most caring way possible while you are on your journey to ‘Becoming’ a new mother.